So you can sense a shift in your friendship. What do you do?
One of the things that I’ve dealt with in the past was a people pleasing spirit. It was to the point that I would sacrifice my own comforts just to please my friends or make my friends happy. That behavior, that spirit, for me stemmed from childhood experiences, but for now I won’t dive too deep into that. So what happens when you’re at a point in your life where you can identify certain behaviors or traits? Where you through growth, healing and revelation have a solid grasp on how, why and essentially when you became that people pleaser? How do you navigate the new terrain of a friendship that has now shifted, especially when you didn’t see it coming? Because let’s take a moment here and acknowledge that sometimes you can absolutely see a season end on the horizon with some connections. I have too many times said to myself “yea I’m done talking to you.” Or “they don’t even know this is about to be our last conversation!” LOL but I digress.
When growth causes a friendship to end, I now have the understanding and the acceptance that, that season is over. To be honest though, this wasn’t always my mindset or way of thinking. In the past, I would either allow myself to “take too much” until I exploded or simply just stop speaking to someone and ignore them until they got the picture…aka baby I ghosted them and HARD at that LOL. Meanwhile I would get a whole new phone number, so good luck trying to contact me. I’m laughing and joking here but the reality was I didn’t handle friendships from a healthy space. I also had to learn that every connection cannot be treated the same. While it’s ok and sometimes necessary to cut communication off from some people, you do have those who deserve a little bit more of an explanation…and believe me those are definitely though conversations to have, but they need to happen.
One way to overcome that people please spirit is to start by advocating for yourself. You may say “well how do I do that?”. You do that by saying No sometimes. Even when you’re nervous or afraid to. Saying no allows you to start setting up those healthy boundaries and allowing people to know what you will and will not tolerate. Also, having the necessary conversations with your friends or the people in your life, in general. If it’s a real connection or friendship, that friend will understand and respect your boundaries. If they don’t, then you know that they only had you around for their benefit and personal gains.
-Either way you are now conquering that people pleasing spirit by not compromising yourself for someone’s benefit! I mean, high five to you because that sounds like deliverance to me, ok!!
With all that being said, I can empathize that this could be easier said than done. So I will encourage you here, to draw closer to God! There’s nothing like the confidence you get from knowing God is on your side and only wants the best for you. Strengthening my relationship with the Lord, I learned what true friendship should look and feel like and I learned that by prioritizing my friendship with Jesus. Get to know Him a little bit more and let that be the standard for how you cultivate new friendships.
Lastly, remember to sit with yourself and sit with God and while you’re taking inventory of yourself don’t be afraid to simply rearrange the friendship seats… because sometime the shift isn’t necessarily an end but a placement change. Some people move further away from you, while others may move closer-be opened to that.
Until next time, Go with God and Grow with God- Be blessed
~ Danielle Vorece