I was dating my father!
And believe me, I know that sounds wild, but I was dating my father. You see, it would put a smile on my face every time he came in town…even though it was only for a little while. Promises to take me out and spend more time with me, but the reality was he was never around.
I was dating my father…and I loved my father, so I never thought twice about his inconsistences and when I got the voicemail, yea I hung up and dialed right back. You see I didn’t mind being ignored as long as he paid a little attention to me. I was dating my father so of course he would never ghost me, he just didn’t have time or got too busy to open up that text and respond to me…but again I didn’t mind being the one who called, cause after all he is my father-he needs me! He told me he loves me…and I believed him. Because he was my protector, my shield in storming weather but every time it rained it only rained on me.
I was dating my father and ok yes, I get it. I am his daughter-So I was ok in those moments where he belittled me. Who am I to correct you when you say you know what’s better for me? You would never manipulate me…and I trust you, so I listened even though in my heart I could feel the distance and fought the urge to look at you different. I hear the lies, ignored tears that you seen me cry, not once extending an arm to comfort me…but you are my father and you deal with your own trauma, so why can’t I just shut up and not bring you all of this drama, I mean my feelings, confused because sometimes you’re so dismissive-but when you open up, I’m honored to listen-because I love you. Would walk to the ends of the earth for you. And every man after you, an exact replica of you. No not physically, but characteristically- still none of them could ever amount to you. None of them could fill that void, none of them could soothe my soul, because the love I was searching for…I thought could only come from you. So I dated my father in every “Don, Ron and Joe” because my father never fulfilled his role.
So…I decided to break up with my father. I’ve decided to let go all of the pain and heartache…and grow.
And now…I’m in a new relationship! I’m in a new relationship with my Father, confusing I know, but follow me because I’m not talking about the same man from before. You see this Man created me, in my mother’s womb He knew me…and even though I haven’t always seen Him, His presence never faded, He was just waiting on me to show me that I was His baby, yeah I was His lady. And He loves me so much that He sent His only son to save me. So I’m in a relationship with my Heavenly Father and He’s given me everything the others never gave me.
~Danielle Rollins